Friday, September 07, 2007

You matter so much to me


Aug 25th 5:00 PM. Yet another evening. Boring doing mundane stuff. Almost an hour passed. Heard the schoking news of the terrible blasts in the city. Was wincing in pain. I just prayed and felt bad for the fact that for no reason innocent people lost their lives for all they wanted was some entertainment on a weekend.

Meanwhile, something else happens. I was ignorant. Next day 10:30 AM, dad unusually calling me again though I spoke to him that morning for a long time. I had this feeling of something bad happening to my loved ones.

Appa said Priya nambakuda ippo kadayadu. I got him. I reconfirmed. I said am coming to Hyd. He briefed me everything. It happened last evening about 5:30 and he came to know couple of minutes back next morning. I was shattered. I cringed and cried for hours, for days. I tried my best to reach Airport. But I was very late. I just confined myself indoors.

A true gem she was, my confidante, someone who mattered more than any of my other friends.

I was thinking..the time when I first met more than 5 years back. Fortunate enough to travel in the same bus, stay together and connected, almost a "paper rocket throw's away", have this 3 seater exclusively reserved where me, Priya and Swathi spent countless hours talking, reading, singing and having fun. We were like the friends in Dil Chahtha Hei(I proudly claimed that to be having a real DCH track). Someone whom I troubled the maximum with my irking kiddish behaviour, with my jokes and my approach towards problems and academics.

She looked geeky for outsiders and kind of a serious person. But no, she is absolutely the other way. Extending an helping hand when needed, someone who can laugh for hours for all the stupid jokes I cracked, someone who knew all about me and Mr. K and the banter we shared. I "haunted" her so much so that she said she used to dream about me while sleeping!

I have never seen her crying. Not even in the worst case. I had this sadistic pleasure of asking her to cry for me someday. But even now it happens the other day{How ironic}. My eyes get moist when I think of her. Someone who taught me a lot, who showed me light, a person firm on her decisions, highly sane and bubbly girl.

How I remember the last day of our graduation where again me, Swathi and Priya sat in our usual 4th row three seater in the Volvo, I as always in between, out of my weird excitement said "I would want to hug you priya". I remember how awkward she felt and kind of tried searching for a vacant seat for escaping my hug. I remember me and Priya escaping from Swathi's clutches when she almost pleaded us to teach tamil. Priya and I never taught her. Our not so fruitful orkut meet arrangement, idea incepted by her and propelled by me....

The time when we ragged juniors to them max, shooting so many questions, asking weird questions like their crush, making them sing... right under the nose of our Math and C prof, the time when we got the compliment from juniors for best seniors in the bus.

When inspite of just a 5 minute drive from my place, spent the weekend for hours on phone. As our parents say "If Priya's and Vaishnavi's phone lines are engaged for sure these girls are yapping big time". We laughed and chuckled and I enjoyed when she stumbled in NTR gardens and I rather than giving a helping hand started laughing. She game me so much courage when I was broken learning about my mom's illhealth.

Remember the time when she persuaded me to come to theater, something which I loathed for the fact that I prefer spending time with family/friends to watching a movie. Alas, we never went together. I remember you holding my hand like a mom does to her child and help me in crossing road for, I was totally hopeless at that.

I threatened her to Blog, to join Orkut, to use a Gmail account, learn to drive vehicle but she feared driving so much and I insisted on starting our chat conversation with a >:D<, for she owed me my graduation "hug". She made so much fun of me when she saw me and K online and told me "poor fella he is tolerating all your cribbings." I almost spend 6 hours a day with her. She often asked for an adjective that goes well with her. Pat came my reply. "Pagal Priya". Ofcourse, on a serious note I said "Simply Serene." I still find my name in her last post. She often said no one understood her as much as me, Poornima or Swathi did. She loved Rajesh Khanna's song so much especially "Zindagi ke safar mein guzar jateein hei...", or watching DDLJ umpteen times. She was so happy when she got placed in TCS and WIPRO,when she made her admit in IIT Karaghpur, Kanpur and Delhi. She was the first person to whom I confided about K and asked her opinion. We were the happiest bunch when we learnt she would be joining IIT D. She rocked there. She often admired my handwriting and my hyper energy levels, my enthusiam in everything be it talking or making others happy or while studying. :)

I met her the last time this May in KIMS. I was speechless. I wondered how could God be so unfair. Her condition was worsening but her parents told me she was getting better. I called her so many times to tell her that I will be coming soon to meet her, to give a hug, a nice bouquet, hold her hand and spend a day but much to my disappointment I was told she cannot talk much. It pained me when her body was pricked with needles for her body refused to take blood. She suffered from Leukemia. I wasn't even allowed to go near her for she was catching infection. I mildly opened the door and she just waved at me. I prayed and prayed. She was recovering, so much so that she even scrapped me saying she is getting better, this is her last cycle of chemotherapy and wished me for the conference presentation. Masked all her pain by projecting a smile. Her last moments were palpable. I experienced spasm of pain. Her effort to cope up with chemotherapy, developing sudden fever, breathlessness..God! How could this happen? I complained about my smallest health complications but she never wanted me to know about the phase she was going through. How brave and sweet of her!

I wish she emerged like a Phoenix bird, she was as busy as a bee and very hard working too. She was a person with great acumen and a firm decision marker. I admired her for everything. Our wavelength matched. We both hated when we see our friends smoke get choked. She was never angry at me. I never believed in acquaintances. If I had a friend it means a very close friend. She often asked how I could be so energetic and enthusiastic and be very much the same way to everyone for, she felt people thought she is very composed and observed my beahviour so much. She said the only difference between you and me is "Both have intelligence, have the same skills,you dont apply it, be like a playmate but I do". How very true.
The days when I had luncheon in her residence for she felt I need a change from the routine of me eating the food I cooked at home. She loved my cooking, my rasam especially. We always studied together. I had this pleasure of saying I was better in Math than her. I tell her this adage "vadiyar ponnu muttal", both her parents were bankers. They were the happiest family I ever saw. Man, she loved her dad so much. Everything is so vivid in my mind.

She is just next to God, happy,finally relieved from the suffering, seeing us all, mentally always in our hearts, her memories etched for ever in my mind, my heart full of her. She would be spreading light to all of us and motivating us althrough. How happy she made me! Forgive me Priya for not having seen you in a long time, for being unfortunate to see you the last time and extend my prayers and for not having to see you at all in the future.

I owe all my achievements and success to you dear.

Goodbye my sweet friend, my true inspirer and a shining diamond. You are just physically absent that's all. I wish you peace!

Whenever I crane my neck towards the sky, I see the brightest star, I see you there. Priya ma this picture reminds me of the fun we had last december when you and Swathi gave a surprise visit to my residence. I miss you dear.

"Some people come, some people go, but true friends leave their foot print in our heart".
Amen! May your soul rest in peace.
I ask my readers to extend their prayers and sorry readers for making you weep by putting here. I just wanted to let it out. One message I would like to pass on," beyond money, hardwork, deadlines, obtaining degrees and coding all that matters is good health, spending time with lovely people and a peaceful sleep at the end of the day and please donot neglect your health."